Who cares about “what they’d say to their 18 year old self” articles? 18 year olds don’t. They’re too busy navigating the extremes.
Personally, my hardest crisis was in my early 30s. For some, it can be a comfortable period where the youthful extremes level out as families and careers emerge. But for others– and we know who we are – we don’t feel so comfortable.
As I entered middle age, there was a period of intense stagnation and isolation. I was a freelance artworker in London – the bottom of the print design food chain. I had no aspiration other than to make money to pay my living expenses.
The rest of my time was spent watching TV, taking drugs, indulging in negative self-talk and trying to get laid.
What this got to do with business? Well, everything. Your physical, mental and spiritual well-being all have bearing on your business’s success. So here’s what I’d say to my 30 year old self:
Yes, things are really bad and it’s all your fault
The most important lesson I learned in this period was to stop seeing myself as separate from the world.
I saw myself as a poor tiny vessel adrift on the ocean – without control and vulnerable to the wind and the waves.
Something bad would happen to me and I would blame my bad luck, other people or something else external to me.
One day I said to myself: “it’s all my fault”. And then everything was OK.
Whether it’s true or not, I now believe I can change my thoughts, my character and my environment from the inside out.
Yes, you’re a loser but you won’t always be
But, really, I wouldn’t be too hard on myself. The temptation would be to kick this 30 year old up the bum and tell him to grow up and be a man. That would probably have been well deserved but it wouldn’t have done any good – it would have only resulted in more negative self talk from the 30-something.
I would try to encourage: Yes, you do a crap job with no future, no esteem and no opportunity for advancement. But these apparent disadvantages will soon become advantages.
You may be the bottom of the food chain as a freelancer, but it teaches you:
- to manage the financial uncertainties of the “feast and famine” periods
- the adaptability to jump from job to job
- to observe what’s working in multiple businesses within a certain niche
- and, obviously, the technical work that the many jobs require
These capabilities were completely unrecognised by myself and others at the time. However, the adaptability, resourcefulness and technical knowledge helped me set up and run my first online business.
“Yes,” I would say to my 30 year old self, “you suck at work but that’s not a bad thing”. Things change.
The way you look at things will change. The way the world looks at things will change. You won’t care about today’s worries tomorrow so you may as well stop worrying.
Look after your body
So, if you want to improve yourself. If you want to be attractive to the humans you’re attracted to. If you want to attract a life that is stimulating, exciting and rewarding. If you are at rock bottom, you have to change everything.
You can start with your body. Take strenuous physical exercise everyday or three times a week, minimum.
Eat better food. Sleep well. Don’t be habitual with any substance (alcohol or other) that isn’t nourishing your body.
Of course, all this is easy to say. It’s not easy to do unless you’re excited about change and believe it’s possible.
You can get out of this rut by deciding that you can get out of this rut. After that, things will get easier.
Look after your mind
You need all your power, energy, chi or prana. Here’s how you store it up:
- Avoid negativity. Avoid negative people. Don’t watch the news, game shows, reality shows, chat shows or anything on TV – the news is not educating you about the world. It’s educating you to fear the world.
- Avoid arguments about politics, sex, religion, anything. Don’t spend any energy asserting your point of view on anyone and people will soon realise the pointlessness of asserting their opinions on you and move on to their next victim.
- Avoid blame. Accept bad situations. Try to improve them rather than blaming yourself or anyone else for them.
- Avoid complaining. Avoid judgement.
All suffering comes from our brain’s inability to accept the present moment.
You’ll never been able to completely eradicate judgement from your mind but I think I’ve been able to reduce it. This has freed up my thinking and allowed my mind to concentrate on other things: learning web design, studying self help psychology, creating and selling info-products, etc.
If you want to get deeper into this, try Productivity Hacks for the Lazy and Undisciplined.
Look after your spirit
When you feel you can change your thoughts, habits, internal reality and external reality, life becomes easier. How do you do this? Meditation. Meditation is the best way to start.
Meditation is present moment non-judgmental observation.
You should try to meditate everyday at the same time of the day. Sit and close your eyes and concentrate on the feeling of your breath entering and leaving your body. If you find yourself thinking or daydreaming about anything, notice it and put your attention back to the feeling of your breath entering and leaving your body.
Love yourself
You are not separate from the world. You are not a poor tiny vessel adrift on the ocean – without control and vulnerable to the waves and the weather. You are everything you eat, you see, you touch, you listen to; you’re everyone you meet and everything you interact with. This interconnectedness even extends to the digital realm, where engaging with platforms like Florida online poker sites can connect you with a community of players, enhancing your experience and broadening your perspective. Everything, in fact.
So, love everything.
I could do it…
That’s what I’d try to say to my 30 year old self. It would be a hard sell, I know. But I would start with meditation and avoiding negative thoughts.
If only they’d taught me that at school…
What did you think of my advice to me as a 30 year old? If you’re 30 or younger, what did you think of that? And, if you’re older than 30, what would you say to your 30 year old self?
Let me know in the comments.
Rob, I’m older than 30 and this is an excelent advice. In fact it’s almost the exact advice I would have given my 30yr self.
The only thing I would change is replacing meditation with journaling. Meditation seems so woo-woo. Journaling on the other hand is perceived as down to earth and I got the same benefits as you got from meditation. I saw how my head was full of crap.
That’s interesting, Michal, I guess one person’s meditation is another person’s journalling. And both of them do eventually reduce the amount of crap that’s in your head. I’ve never tried it – although I do write a fare amount. Thanks for the comment at this busy time for you. 🙂
I’ve done both Journaling and Meditation quite a bit and to me Journaling is just another form of meditation 🙂
I find myself moved by your article. You really can’t avoid the hard times. The real struggle is within. You feel like your life is stagnant and that nothing seems to go your way. Everything is negative and life suddenly feels like it’s falling apart. But I learned that whatever circumstance you are in, always find the light. There can never be a situation in life that has no good thing in it. You may not see it now but someday, you will thank that things happened this way. Because when you handle things well, it’ll lead to something good; one way or the other.
Thank you, Elvis, Yes, the struggle, the questions and the answers are all within us, I believe. You illustrated it here by saying: “Everything is negative and life suddenly feels like it’s falling apart” – it seems like it’s falling apart but that’s in your head. The trick is to train your brain to see that everything is in fact falling exactly where it should do. How do you do that? I don’t really know.
I really appreciate you comment now as well as always, Elvis.
Has all that changed? I think that most of the people fool themselves into this new age/eastern philosophy of “being positive” by talking nice things to themselves that are simply not there…..its a mental opiate to ignore reality. Perhaps it works if one is persistent enough but has to constantly maintain it so the pink glasses don’t fall off. It is basicly accepting yourself and the world “as is” and replacing the fuel – anger – that can really change things! People become more passive and forgiving which eventual extinguishes the fire of the soul.
Yes, it really works really well and losing anger makes your soul shine brighter. 🙂
Sorry….I beg to differ.
That’s good too. Thank you for your input. 🙂
Great post Rob. Life is tough sometimes and hard to see the wood for the trees on occasion. Life looks good now though hey?!?!
At 30 I was just about to head into bankruptcy, verging on loosing my business, house, car the lot. To my 30 year old self, (which was only 7 years ago!) I’d say let em take it, you don’t really own any of it anyway!! They can’t take your heart, soul, passion and drive, that’s yours for keeps. I’d say think bigger, move faster, execute, work on your passions and ignore the naysayers. Although, to be honest, I’d be better saying all that to my 18 year old self!!!
Thanks, Nick. Interesting to hear your story. I think it’s a great thing to lose a lot of money or possessions because it does realign your priorities for the better and make you realise what’s really important. Well, that’s what happened with me.
Thank you!!! 🙂 I love what you said there.
I love the post Rob. I can relate with it. 30 can be a tough one. No longer a young person, but unlikely to have achieved all you thought you could. And there so little time as everyone over 40 is a loser by default. Plus we lived through the Thatcherite period in the UK where every Eastend borrow boy became a millionaire and every thinker and creative was a sucker.
At 51 I could not be happier. I live in a bubble where negative messages can’t get through. I do exercise daily and instead meditation I stop analyzing by hitting the beach or having an afternoon nap.
I love life so I would not mind being 30 again for the extra years, but if it meant doing the same again – I’d pass.
I’d love to live in David’s bubble, even if it was only for just a day… you’re doing a better job of this than me. You should certainly write more. Just your comments on this blog have been enough for a small Kindle. You’re amazing! Yes, if we could go back and be 30 again, we’d probably go through it all again. Maybe for some reason we needed to go through all the bad stuff as an education. Thanks for your comment, as always.
It’s an even happier bubble today thanks to your comment. I’ve gained so much strength from what you have continued to share online. Looking forward to seeing you again this year.
Likewise, David, thank you. I’m watching your Wistia videos at the moment. Very cool!
I liked the different focus for this post, Rob. It was nice to learn about the way your mind/body/spirit played an important role in your success.
I’ve also found this to be the case in my own life. Although it seemed a bit strange and ‘out there’ to meditate and use affirmations/self talk, I’m glad I gave it a go.
I’ve only just started my 30s, but there were quite a few rough patches in my mid-twenties. I’m not sure if I’d send this information back to my (slightly) younger self, however, because I feel that those hard times gave me much of the adaptability & resourcefulness and ‘hunger’ to keep improving.
As you said: “You are everything you eat, you see, you touch, you listen to; you’re everyone you meet and everything you interact with. Everything, in fact.”
A very powerful message, it really puts things into perspective. Thanks Rob! 🙂
Hey Patrick, it’s so interesting that although meditation/affirmations/self talk may seem a less than mainstream pursuit, it’s surprising how many people are trying it. I’m glad you did. I’m glad I gave it a go.
I had a few rough patches in my mid-twenties as well, by the way. Glad you’ve come out the other side much healthier and happier. 🙂
Rob, I can’t express how much we think alike. If I were to write a letter to my 20 year old self, I would write the exact same stuffs.
Don’t do drugs, don’t become an alcoholic, look after your health, sleep for minimum 9 hours, love yourself, live in the present as it’s the path to enlightenment, situation will change, you will not have to live on $80 a month anymore. In fact, you are going to get married after a year and semi-retire after 4 years you idiot. Stop worry so much.
Cheers!
Harsh
Hey Harsh, great to hear your input on this one. It’s funny how similar we all are at the end of the day! 🙂
some great advice Rob. When i started freelancing I found myself quite isolated I worked in the spare room. Working by myself, communicating via email. One of the things I’d tell like to tell my younger self, would be: get out meet people.
Connecting with other people and sharing experiences is something I missed out on for awhile. I feel so much happier now. Modern life and Technology can isolate us sometimes, but it can also open doors with websites like meetup.com to a whole world of people.
Hello Louie, actually you make a really good point about getting out and meeting people. I should have put that in there. It’s fundamental and I definitely suffered from the same problem. And, you’re absolutely right about meetup.com being a great way that the internet can actually force you away from the internet!
Awesome Post!! Whatever our personal beliefs about whatever – we all need to love ourselves more, be kinder to our bodies, our minds, our worlds and to find a way to focus on what matters – “Energy is the currency of the universe. When you pay attention to something you buy that experience..” (Emily Maroutian) If I’m buying something, I want it to be something I actually want LOL
Hey Megan, I loved that quote so much, I subscribed at her website http://www.maroutian.com/ – never heard of her. But, it’s true, you can concentrate on violence, bad news, etc., if you want and it’ll become a bigger part of your life. What an interesting expression the English language has “pay attention to” – too right, it’ll cost you!
I bought a book called “Overcoming Indecisiveness” by an American psycologist named Theodore Isaac Rubin. I would recommend this book to anyone.
It taught me how to take decisions and start changing my life from being in very much the same sort of mess you were in.
It eventually led me to making the best decision of my life, which was to get married. I have not looked back since.
Hey David, we’re getting a lot of good book and author suggestions here. Sounds great, actually, I can’t find it on Amazon. But anyway, delighted you found the spark inside yourself and then … lurve! Thank you for the comment. 🙂
Hi Rob,
I think the book is out of print now. Second hand copies are available at this link http://www.amazon.co.uk/Theodore-Isaac-Rubin/e/B001H6SBPW
I have also read his book “The Angry Book” giving his thoughts on the meaning of anger.
He has an easy reading style which enables him to get his points across clearly and quickly.
Kind regards,
David.
Thanks for the information, David.
Hey Rob, that’d be fantastic advice man!
I was stubborn as hell during my entire young years and up until 35 years or so (I’m still stubborn to this day but only with positive things now) so what I would tell myself is to not be so hard on myself and change one thing at a time.
I knew what I was doing was bad to some point (extreme parties, pursuing a dead end professional music career, doing tons of recreational drugs, sex, etc) I didn’t even have a job and whenever I had one, I never took it serious and would quit as fast as possible.
I guess I was never meant to be an employee but the thing is, I could have definitely used some external advice.
My problem was, I always wanted to change a ton of the things at the same time and of course, I always failed.
So this would be my advice to my younger self: “you can party hard but keep making positive changes whenever you see fit, one at a time and everything else will fall into place”.
Fantastic article man, it actually gave me a few writing ideas, thanks!
Sergio
You should defo write an article like this Sergio.
You’re so right about changing one thing at a time. Everyone wants everything at once so they say, “I’m going to eat better, exercise more, stop drinking, stop this, start that!” and then get depressed and disconcerted when they don’t live up to those multiple goals.
Far better, as you say, to pick one thing to improve on and stick with it before you start thinking about the next thing. That way it’s far easier to ensure continual improvement.
Thank you for your comment, Sergio 🙂
What a great question. I’m not sure my 18 year old self would listen, which is a shame because there is so much he needed to hear. To my 30 year old self I would say: you’re down, not out. You just need a purpose. Be patient. It’s coming and it will find you more than you will find it. Now at 50, with purpose and just about to embark on a new venture, I wonder what my 60 year old self will be saying to me in 10 years time? I wish I knew the answer to that question.
Haha, very profound, Sean, and a great question: “what would I say to my 50 year old self?” It’s true. We never stop learning. 🙂
Hi Rob,
Insightful post as usual. Considering what I’ve learned in the past year from yourself and others, I would likewise agree with going back in time and rapping my younger self about the head.
However, I also had the insight that maybe I had to hit rock bottom. Maybe I had to get there to have the motivation to dig myself out. Surely, friends and family did try to convey the ideas you discussed during this period of my life. But I frankly didn’t care to listen as I was – ironically, I find – too self-absorbed.
Have a wildly awesome day,
Mark Desa
Hello Mark. I’m glad you liked this post. Maybe I had to hit rock bottom as well.
Great post, I am now 28 and I’m already feeling the same way as you were during your 30’s.
Thanks for the advice Rob…. I’m gonna put this on Twitter.
Thank you, Aurum, glad you liked it. And I appreciate the share on Twitter.
Hi Rob, how are you? Great article I found your post in Viral content buzz. Just want to say you got a very incredible blog about Self improvement. Very Informative! I will for sure remember your words, and tips too.IIm looking forward to keep in touch 🙂