How did I lose my passion for my business? Over a period of time (four years) and then all at once!
I tried to explain in my previous post that I’d stopped working on a business that I’d previously loved – and I didn’t know why.
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Now, four years later, I’m still out of ideas! Life is good though. I’m living in Thailand, I’ve got loads of friends, the living is easy …
But it seems like I’ve lost my mojo, I’ve lost my purpose in life, I’ve lost something that I didn’t even know I had but I miss it now it’s gone.
I’ve got to do something because things aren’t going to get better by themselves.
This article is about the things I’ve done, the things I’m doing, and the things I will keep doing to rediscover my passion. And I’ll keep you updated as to my progress, if any.
Accepting that things change
I got some amazing replies to my video entitled Why I’ve Stopped Working On My Business. One of the best ones said:
“Chaos, change and uncertainty are normal. And it’s OK!”
Anon.
I really love that. The universe is impermanent by nature. So if, one day, you wake up and notice that you’ve changed, don’t be surprised and it’s not necessarily a bad thing.
I fully expected to continue creating content, making video courses, selling books and other products online, etc., for decades into the future. I loved it and it was making me money.
But, I stopped. And, it’s no big deal.
Doing something … anything!
You’re going through a dodgy patch. The important thing is that you do something about it.
When you encounter a crisis, a breakdown, or a burnout, it can be a very disorientating. I was like a rabbit in headlights for months and months. I didn’t know which way to turn. And I was embarrassed to talk to anyone about it.
A friend of mine recommended a book, Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender by David R. Hawkins (that’s an affiliate link). I thought, this is interesting, I’ve never heard of this guy. Let’s give it a go!
I hadn’t read a personal development book in ages. And, to be honest, I found it heavy going at first. However, just the action of sitting down and reading a book made me feel better. At least I was doing something.
If you find yourself with your head in your hands, not knowing what to do. Take your head out of your hands. Get up. Walk around. It’s not the ultimate answer to your problems, but it’s a start.
Reading books
I didn’t give up on Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender by David R. Hawkins straightaway, and I’m glad I didn’t. After a while, despite my confused state of mind, the book started to make sense. It was talking about letting feelings rise up, releasing their energy, and letting them fade away. This is very similar to what I know about Vipassana meditation.
Funnily enough, as soon as I’d read the last page of the 300-page book, I turned back to the beginning of the book and I started to read it again. I may do a video completely about this book alone!
I’m not saying that personal development / self help books are great. I’m saying that it’s great to read books. Self help books, for all their faults, are not negative or polarising. It’s great to sit down and be aware of the words of another human being for a few minutes. It’s relaxing to read. It feels as though something has been accomplished. And it’s fucking TEN TIMES BETTER than doom-scrolling on a phone!
Last thing at night before you go to bed and after you’ve turned off all devices, reading is particularly good. It’ll help you sleep.
Talking to people / asking for help
My malaise/burnout/breakdown/menopause, call it what you will, started years ago. But, embarrassed by what was happening to me, I pretended to all my friends that everything was OK.
“How’s business, Rob?” “Great!” I didn’t know what to say. Then the pandemic happened and everyone asked even more questions, and I doubled down and said, “Better than ever!” That was a lie. By the time 2020 rolled around, my business was bringing in noticeably less than previous years. I knew this was going to happen. To cope, I started exploring new opportunities and stumbled upon Preakness Stakes betting sites and sportsbooks. They became a surprising source of revenue and a way to engage with clients interested in online gambling. This unexpected pivot provided a much-needed boost during those tough times.
Now I tell the truth.
“How’s business, Rob?” “To be honest, I haven’t done anything this year because I’m taking some time to figure out what I want to do.”
And, you know what? I have much better conversations as a result of telling the truth.
I was overwhelmed last month after I’d posted on my blog and on my Youtube channel. So many comments! Most of them very useful.
I also asked for help for a therapist. For me, that’s a big deal.
Whether or not you’re like me and find it hard to ask for help or admit you have problems, it is an important first step. And sometimes, it’s the only step you need take.
Journaling
I’ve been experimenting with journaling for the last two months. It’s really new to me.
I’m a writer. I’ve been blogging for 15 years and I’ve written nearly a dozen books, so it should come naturally to me. But I’m not a natural at it.
I’m doing afternoon journaling. So I tend to write in the afternoon about the preceding day. I’m not sure if that’s the optimal way of doing it. I do this on a Google Drive document.
The action of writing down your thoughts and feelings helps you “let go” of negative baggage – similar to vipassana meditation or any sort of meditation. It develops self-awareness. It can show you how what seemed so important a few days ago has now been forgotten. So journaling helps to show the impermanence of our moods and perceptions.
Meditation
This is what I do. I sit down on a chair. I try to keep my back straight and let my head rest centrally upon it. Both feet are flat on the ground. My hands are in a comfortable resting position on my lap. I make sure my body is relaxed and I gently close my eyes.
I put my awareness on my breathing. The sensation of the air going through my nostrils is where my attention is focussed. Try it! It’s easier said than done.
You don’t think about your breathing; you feel the sensation of your breathing.
If a thought comes to mind, you witness it and you go back to the sensation of your breathing. And, that’s it, the thought has passed away. Don’t judge the thought. Don’t beat yourself up for having the thought. But go back to the breath.
Meditation is the non-judgmental awareness of your present moment experience.
You can do it any time, anywhere. It just aids concentration if you sit down in a darkened, quiet room to do it in.
If you’ve never really done it before, I would start with two-minute meditation and then try to extend it everyday. But try to keep it as a daily habit.
Meditating every morning is something you could do, before you’ve looked at your phone or turned on any device. Or every afternoon. Or every night before you go to bed. Or twice a day. Or three times a day.
Whatever, pick a routine and stick to it, whilst trying to extend or deepen the practice.
Exercise
I’m not an expert when it comes to exercise. I probably do it all wrong. I try to do 20 minutes aerobic exercise (running/jogging) followed by 20 minutes anaerobic exercise (weights, sit-ups, press-ups, etc.) And I try to do that every other day.
I guess it doesn’t matter what you do as long as you do something regularly that causes you to pant and work your body.
Daily self care check-in
If you’re building a business, you measure everything. And it’s the same if you’re trying to improve your emotional well-being. A self care check-in can really help you to monitor your moods, improvements, and physical / mental condition.
What you monitor is up to you. Personally I’m tracking the following everyday:
- Morning physical condition: good, ok, meh, bad?
- Morning emotional condition: good, ok, meh, bad?
- Meditation: how many minutes? good, ok, meh, bad?
- Exercise: yes/no, how many minutes? good, ok, meh, bad?
- Reading: yes/no
- Journaling: yes/no
- Goals: write one or two goals for the day
- Food / drink / intoxicants?: healthy/unhealthy? intoxicants?
- Gratitude: one or two things from the past 24 hours that you are grateful for
We all have good days and bad days. It’s important not to be too hard on yourself when (not if) you fall short whilst tracking these metrics.
I started recording this in exercise books. But it soon got a bit messy.
So I’ve created a PDF to print out. You can download it below if you want. Be sure to pick the correct size. Letter Size for Americans; A4 for everyone else.
I’ve created two of these for you to download from FREE!
One for Americans, is letter size: Weekly Self Care Check-in Sheet, Letter Size (8.5″ x 11″) Re-gain Your Motivation!
FREE Letter Size Self Care Check-in SheetAnd, for everyone else, here is a check-in sheet in A4: Weekly Self Care Check-in Sheet A4 (210mm x 297mm) Regain Your Motivation!
FREE A4 Size Self Care Check-in SheetHelping people
I’ve recently learned the hard way that making money wasn’t the most important thing about my business. The most important thing was helping people.
When I stopped working on my business, I wasn’t bothered about money, I felt I could figure out a way to make money again. But I really missed helping people.
Gandhi said you can find yourself in the service of others.
I must confess, I’m having issues with philanthropy and volunteering at present. I’ve experienced many non-profits in Chiang Mai and London over the years, and the experience hasn’t always been positive. I sometimes seriously wonder whether $1000 spent in the local economy isn’t just as good as the same amount of money donated to a non-profit.
But, I will continue to try to help those affected by the pandemic. I’m also trying to help people here by writing and making videos about this subject (and one day I might get back to online business!)
Therapy
As mentioned earlier, I’m seeing a therapist. This was a big step for me.
At first, I tried to find some online therapy. But, in the end, I went with a personal recommendation here in Chiang Mai. It’s not easy to find an English-speaking therapist in Thailand, so I’m lucky to have found someone.
Hobbies – use your hands (not tapping or typing)
Am I strange? I have an urge to use my hands to do something. You remember when we were kids we used to do art at school? We’d get some paper and paints and have endless fun creating a mess.
Many people, especially “creative” people, have told me that they have a kinesthetic nature and need to draw, hold, touch, mould, or create things with their hands.
Maybe it’s because we’ve all spent too long inside with our devices. But now I can’t stay too long in front of a computer screen working away.
I’m lucky I have a hobby. I play the guitar. I like to challenge myself to play certain songs, riffs, solos, or whatever. It takes me away from my reality. I started to play guitar when I was 9 years old. This friend’s been with me for a long time.
Healthy eating and drinking vs. intoxicants
I’ve left this until last because I’m hoping no-one reads this.
Especially over the last two years, I’ve been smoking too much marijuana. So I’m trying to cut that down. And I’m drinking less alcohol.
There’s never going to be a better time to do this. There’s a lockdown here and the bars are all closed! I’m tracking this with my Self Care Check-in.
Putting it all together
Maybe this will help someone. These are the main things I’m doing to get me out of my funk. I’m seeing mixed results so far. I probably had a “false dawn” a month ago when things started to improve but I have since hit “the wall”.
Ups and downs are to be expected when you’re going through any sort of recovery.
It’s important to remember that no one’s perfect. And to keep on keeping on if you have any sort of “relapse”.
I’m interested to hear what you think about what I’m doing to re-gain my passion after my burnout. Is there anything you would add to this?
Let me know in the comments.
Mark Narusson says
Great read Rob and sorry to hear you are going through a shit patch. Life messes with your head sometimes so you feel lost and helpless. Doing all of the stuff you mention in this blog post has got to be a good thing and thanks for sharing it as it’s given me some ideas. I hope you re-discover what makes you happy… we’ll be waiting for you 😉
Rob Cubbon says
Really, Mark, I’m really not going through a shit time. I know it might sound like that but I really don’t want to give that impression. I’m actually very happy. I feel lost but not helpless. I’m living the dream, remember? I think that, on balance, I had a really good early warning system so I didn’t go too far down in order to realise I needed help.
Ed says
I was at a similar spot years ago, and I prayed basically something like this, “God, if you’re real and you care about my day-to-day, please let me know”… Long story short, He did.
Similary, getting my focus on others is the best solution to the problem of self absorption.
God’s Speed
Rob Cubbon says
Thank you, Ed, yes I totally agree focussing on helping others is the best solution.
Russell says
Thank you for your honesty and candor; I can relate to what you have experienced. In my case this was one of the first times I allowed myself to ask the questions about what I was doing, and who I was doing it for. I’d been on a corporate track climbing higher and higher with ever-increasing prominence and authority and I needed to step back and figure it out.
The Ghandi quote is marvelous – I pair that with the notion of remembering to be a hero to someone(s) and when I can focus on that, it seems a lot of clarity is restored!
Thank you Rob
With gratitude and love – be you.
Russell
Rob Cubbon says
Hello Russell, thank you so much for your comment. Yes, I’ve been finding it helpful to help people at the moment. It’s probably healthy to step back and figure it out (whatever ‘it’ is) at various times of your life. I thought I had it all figured out at various times only for life to turn round and slap me in the face for being so presumptuous! All the best to you. Love, Rob
Stef says
Probably the best post I’ve read this year (anywhere)
Being human can be hard. Being human in today’s changing world is challenging.
Someone else is going through similar difficulties but is helping to show the way –
Thank you for this post!
Rob Cubbon says
Stef, I don’t know what to say! “Probably the best post I’ve read this year”?? I’m not sure if I deserve that but thank you anyway! Yes, I believe today’s world is challenging. I maybe wouldn’t have said that in 2020, but 2021 has confirmed this point. I will continue to try to show the way I’m employing to improve myself. Whether it works or not is another question. Lately I’ve been writing a lot so that’s something.
Thank you, Stef!
Richard Devis says
Thanks for sharing this, It is really helpful.
Rob Cubbon says
Glad it helped, Richard.
nick walsh says
Hi rob
Long time no speak.
Thanks for the Daily self-care check-in, great idea.
Updates what I am doing/done.
Udemy, earnings tiny, not interested in getting $3 for course.
KDP Books reasonable, depends Nov-Dec best sales time.
BetAngel sports trading , good profits for Soccer and tax free.
Web Design going okay
Rob Cubbon says
Good to hear you’re still at it, Nick. Congratulations on your success. Not everything is going to work out immediately but nice to celebrate the wins!
John Ravi says
Hi Rob,
Thank you for sharing all your feelings and thoughts so honestly. We all have our rough patches, in my case, it wasn’t my business but a lot of my favorite activities. Last year, I felt like I didn’t enjoy a single activity I was passionate about. I felt like I was just operating on autopilot, and the motivation was just not there. I am slowly getting my life back on track, and reading your article really helped me. I guess feeling like you are not the only one with this patch gives you a different perspective. So, thanks a lot for sharing your thoughts and process to help others out.
Rob Cubbon says
Hello John, what an amazing comment! Thank you for that. I understand completely that it’s a real shock when you realise that the things you used to want to do aren’t the things you want to do now. This happened to me. I just have to accept that I’ve changed and hope that my curiosity will welcome new exciting things into my life and give it a different meaning. We will see. Best of luck to you on your journey and I hope to update you on my journey soon.
Agilemania says
Very nice! informative post you have posted here.
Rob Cubbon says
thank you
Ron says
Hi Rob,
Thank you for sharing all your feelings and thoughts so openly. We all have our rough patches. You are not alone bro. Thank you for the informative post.
Rob Cubbon says
Thank you, Ron, there’s more to come!
Ryan Biddulph says
All are such excellent points Rob. I followed more than a few when my blogging and business passion waned. In truth, life in the world is pure change. Being always in flux, it makes sense to be open, flexible and willing to trust your intuition even when the ego voice tries to cling to the past. This I have learned after doing some mind training and blogging for 15 years. Blogging and life are never linear in the world. The only thing we can fully control is how we choose to think about the world.
Ryan
Rob Cubbon says
So true that everything changes, Ryan. In fact I wrote this post nearly two years ago, and, afterwards, my passion waned again. But it’s back again now. I will write more about this in the future. Yes, we can’t control anything about the world but we can choose our reactions to it.
Agilemania says
Great post! I have read and really enjoyed it!
Rob Cubbon says
Thank you!